v.3.0
- garciaaprilg
- Jul 23, 2018
- 2 min read
These days I've been contemplating so much about life that my neurons are already having a hard time they give me a headache. OFTEN. Like, E-V-E-R-Y-D-A-Y!
When I look around me, all I see are the mundane. It's like being on a different platform, looking down on earth, on the buildings, the subway, the busy streets of the metro, the hustling and bustling life of the city, and manileños always on the run for work, school, or somewhere. Everyone's so busy. Everyone's too focused on something. While here I am, doing a lot of thinking.
How many of these people have realized that life is fucking short? That at any moment, there's a chance for you to lose a loved one, a family, a mother? I've been existing for 30 years before I realized this. I've been busy in these streets working for like 6? 7 years? I was like them, always busy, always running.
When things like losing a loved one happens to you, you start to contemplate, you stop what you're doing, you actually even stop living for a second, or minutes. And you just live in the moment, the now, and ask yourself what matters. Family of course, friends, happiness, physical health, mental health, well-being, and living a beautiful life.
Going back to 10 years ago I definitely had a different answer. I needed money, career, to reach my goals, to work abroad, to provide for my family. To earn enough money to buy myself an island and adopt all the stray cats and dogs and we'll all live happily ever after.
But, everything's changed now. I have changed. A lot of life events have changed me. From being impregnated and left alone to bear the responsibility of being a single mother, overcoming depression, all the failed relationships with all the heartbreaks they brought. I overcame them all and I felt so strong with Laida Magtalas line I borrowed, "I am April version.2.0." And yet here I am feeling a different kind of pain I never thought God would put upon me. I don't know what to do with this.
The only thing that I know is this: I wouldn't be stuck in this situation forever. I will feel all the pain, I will cry all the tears, I will hurt, I will be vulnerable and miserable but only in the presence of my best friend (I love you, btw. I wouldn't know what to do without you). I'm allowing myself that privacy. And then after all these, I will be a better me. I will appreciate life and all the good things life has in store for me. I will be, *ehem*, April v.3.0.
Photo taken at Cloud 9 Sports and Leisure Club
Bgy. Sta. Cruz, Sumulong Hwy, Antipolo, 1870 Rizal